From the vaults: Kevin the Fucked-Up Goldfish

He hung there,
floating in the murky water
thinking fishy thoughts.
He was
Kevin the Fucked-Up Goldfish.

His tank sat on top of the fridge
filled with cigarette butts,
beer bottle tops,
a little red Lego man,
gravel from the backyard
and some water.

His scales had lost their colour,
taking him from sunset
to moonrise
(A particularly grubby moonrise).
His fins had gone, too.
So he just hung there
in the bong-water of his home
being Kevin the Fucked-Up Goldfish.

We decided it was time to clean up Kevin’s act
so we filled an old icecream container with water
and put him in.
We scrubbed the tank,
took out all the rubbish
and put in clean gravel and water.
His home clean, we put him back inside
and sat him on the fridge.

He died the next day.

Bonus extra unasked-for authorial statement:

Kevin made his debut in From My Head in late 1995, and was reprised in Not Quite the Man for the Job in 1998. I got a really sweet note from a young girl once, all bright green texta and chirpy round handwriting, about how much she liked this poem and how she made her friends read it when they needed cheering up. I can’t tell you how tickled I get whenever I read the combination of primary school visuals and swear jar language. Brings a tear to my eye, it does.


Poet. Author. Beard. Husband. Dad. Four chickens. Dog. Cat. I can sometimes fix my lawnmower.

Tagged with: , , ,
Posted in From My Head, From the vaults, Not Quite the Man for the Job, poems, Published work, the reason why I am doing this

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

About Adam

I'm a dad and the author of the poetry collections The Third Fruit is a Bird and Not Quite the Man for the Job, the novel Man Bites Dog and the short story collection Heroes and Civilians.
Like what you read?
Go off-blog with Adam's ebooks!

Not Quite the Man for the Job, Adam's award-winning poetry collection, is only $2!

Heroes And Civilians, featuring Stories about superheroes, octuplets, giant monsters, rabbits, robots & astronauts, is FREE TO DOWNLOAD RIGHT NOW!

Man Bites Dog, Adam's novel about posties, poets, dobermans & Angela Lansbury is also only $2!

ta-wit ta-woo
Quelle Grammage!
"As part of the Warlords of Wor 5th Anniversary Collection, here comes ROCK GOLEM BOG-NAR! With his new IMPENETRABLE GREY GOLEM ARMOUR in place, thanks to his SUPERCHARGED EMERALD SWAMP-SPEAR, the malevolent muck-menace swirls his FOUR-BOULDER BOLO FIST overhead as he commands the very rocks and stones of the planet Wor to go forth and conquer!" #warlordsofwor #bognar "Just in time for the 5th anniversary of Warlords of Wor, here comes CLASSIC SWAMP ATTACK BOG-NAR! With his FOUR-FISTED SLIMEPACK mounted on his back and his MYSTICAL MUCK-SPEAR, the King of All Bogs has never been a more ominous opponent!" we got a terrarium at work! #bognar #warlordsofwor #terrarium "This year, as part of the fifth anniversary of Warlords of Wor, conquer the barren taiga of the planet Wor with new ICE-ATTACK BOG-NAR. His icy armoured facade protects the evil swamp genius as he lays his heartless plans to shatter the forces of justice once and for all using his spinning ice-bolo fist and quick-catch freez-claw!" #warlordsofwor #bognar
%d bloggers like this: